7 Minutes In Heaven
by miss-emotive
Summary: Koenma reflects the day Yusuke finally dies. Hints of shounen ai.


**Notes:** Written for the "Judgement Day" challenge on Livejournal's 30yyh community. Contains hints of shounen ai. And having read through the original draft and very nearly gagged in shame at all of the spelling and grammatical errors running amock and mating, I've revised this. Re-written on May 21, 2012.

* * *

**7 Minutes In** **Heaven**  
_By Jun-Ko_

"I'll be stuck fixated on one star  
When the world is crashing down  
I'm sitting out dances on the wall  
Trying to forget everything that isn't you  
I'm not going home alone  
'Cause I don't do too well on my own."  
- _7 Minutes in Heaven (Atavan Halen)_, Fall Out Boy

* * *

When most people didn't know was that - despite the fact that Koenma was the junior lord of the dead, despite the fact that he was royalty, despite the fact that after his father, he had the highest acting role in the Reikai - Koenma himself would never get into heaven. The reason for this was simple, something he had always known: Gods didn't have souls. And gods didn't die. This painful revelation had come to him early in his existence, when he first realized that the feeling gnawing away at him whenever he passed judgement on human souls was not boredom at the office but rather, the burden of hopeless envy. This, he had mulled over for centuries, unable to confide in anyone for even ferry guides and ogres grew old and frail, given enough time. It was to Koenma's great relief that he was able to forget this misery with the start of his reikai tantei pet project, and then afterwards, with the help of his friends.

Then one day, when a familiar feeling stirred, something he had felt twice before; the realization that dawned on him served only to poke at the old and tender bruise.

Koenma had half-expected Yusuke to go on living forever. Their friendship, which had been forged through necessity in the beginning, had survived the five hundred years since they last met with the help of Botan, and though they rarely spoke, the feeling of camaraderie had never waned.

It was during Koenma's routine stamping when the cold feeling, which started at the back of his neck and travelled down his spine, shivered through him, along with a mental flash of a smashed windshield. A blaring car horn... Koenma blinked, and would have grinned if the sadness and the familiar envy hadn't already taken a hold on him. He rose from behind the desk, unsure of what to do. He bit his lip. Outside his window, he caught sight of Aki, a red-haired ferry guide in a black kimono, fly off on her oar and disappear into the distance through the billowing candy clouds of the Reikai. Not knowing what else to do, Koenma switched on his screen and honed in on a particular spirit energy to find that his hunch had been right.

Nowadays, Koenma rarely gave out judgements himself, content to bury himself in paperwork instead when he no longer felt it bearable to face all those scared, anxious souls with no idea of the paradise that awaited them. About a century ago, he had trained George to do it and kept mostly to himself. But for Yusuke he would make an exception, just as he had for Genkai, Atsuko, Kuwabara, Shizuru, Keiko and Kurama; by now, Aki knew this because it wasn't long before the buzzer to his office sounded and her voice rang through, announcing his old friend's arrival.

Smoothing down the front of his robes, the tall golden-eyed god leaned against the edge of his desk and crossed his arms in an effort to look nonchalant. Then he uncrossed them. He tapped a foot against the marble tile, overwhelmed by the sudden urge to suck on his pacifier (a habit he'd kicked a few decades ago). He was nervous - why? He couldn't say. Koenma felt his gut tighten as the doors opened and the familiar figure stepped into the room.

Yusuke still had the same grin, which spoke in volumes of past misadventures and mishaps, but no longer that loping boy-walk he had had at fourteen. Dressed in dark green, he moved towards the prince of the dead with confident strides. If he hadn't known otherwise, Koenma could have mistaken him for a kind, handsome doctor.

Before he could even open his mouth to greet him, Yusuke broke into a run and swept Koenma up in a full embrace, lifting the prince into the air with a joyful whoop.

"Oh, my god!" Yusuke cried, mirth written across his face. "Oh! My! God!"

"Yusuke!" Koenma began to laugh, too, although he wasn't sure which emotion brought the tears that sprung to his eyes as he was gently released.

"How the hell are you?" the former detective asked, eyes dancing.

"I'm well, Yusuke! And you?"

"Um... dead." A peal of laughter. Koenma smiled back.

Yusuke was so different now: although he had been aware of the other man's age, Koenma had retained the image of the young demon lord he had last seen disappearing into the dark tunnel of the arena's exit - back to the world that would have gladly embraced him as its ruler if Yusuke hadn't chosen life with Keiko instead. Now, the short spiky black hair he remembered had grown long and streaked with elegant silver, and his arrogant swagger had gone. So much taller now, eyes still wide with childish wonder but also firm with experience and wisdom. He had the laugh lines and slight wrinkles, and the body of a happy man who had once been a prized fighter only to settle down in his later days.

"You look good," Koenma said. He fought hard not to blush.

"I see you're finally out of diapers," Yusuke joked, grinning boyishly and taking a seat as Koenma gestured for him to do so.

"And see that you've, once again, been killed by a speeding car."

"Um, hovercar now, actually," Yusuke laughed, guiltily rubbing the back of his neck. "Old habits and such. Although I confess, I much prefer this to some kind of undignified bed-ridden death or something - and this time it really wasn't my fault but I'm sure you know all about that."

"Yes, I do," Koenma nodded, the smile never leaving his face but never quite reaching his eyes. "I'm glad to say that we've been anticipating your passing for some time now, and yes, we do have room for you."

Yusuke's eyes brightened. "Hey, that's great!" he said, "I was really hoping you'd say that. I've had enough with waiting around as a ghost, I can tell you that much."

"I thought you'd say that," Koenma grinned, leaning against the edge of his desk once more.

All of a sudden, Yusuke expression became somber. "To tell you the truth, I think that I've overstayed my welcome on Earth by now. Besides, it's hard to keep coming up with reasons to tell your relatives why you look like you haven't aged a bit since they last saw you." Something dark passed behind his eyes. "And it never gets easier when they leave you behind..."

Silence fell over them. For the first time in a long time, Koenma's office was quiet and still as he tried to imagine what it must have felt like to outlive generation after generation of family in one lifetime. It wasn't very different from his own dilemma, though he couldn't fight the faint bitterness as he recalled escorting Keiko to the Gates himself. She had been young and beautiful, her soul fresh and youthful unlike the body of the white-haired woman she left behind in Yusuke's arms. He had been touched by her concern about her husband and children, saying that it didn't matter to her which gate she went through as long as Koenma promised to look out for them. With a pang, he'd told her he would and that, "You'll see them again, sooner than you think."

"I can only imagine what a relief this must be for you, Yusuke," Koenma replied, nodding his head sympathetically. "I want to ask, do you feel like your years on Earth were good ones?"

Yusuke leaned back in his chair, placing his right ankle on his left knee and touching his mouth - that soft, sensual mouth with slightly chapped lips that Koenma couldn't help but stare at just like he used to - as he pondered the question.

"I think so," the older (looking) man replied. "Thinking back now, I don't regret anything that I've done, or the path I chose. I've had more opportunities than I deserved, and I know I've made mistakes. But for every bad decision I've made, I've tried to make up for with two good deeds." He looked up at Koenma. "If I had stayed in the Makai, I don't know where I would be now but I've loved every moment of my unfairly long life, and as much as it bums me out to leave my friends and relatives behind now, I'm really looking forward to what those Gates have for me."

Koenma watched as Yusuke's gaze traveled longingly out the window and suppressed a sigh. "Good answer," he said softly. "I see that your five hundred years weren't wasted. You've definitely gotten more mature."

Yusuke's face broke out into a grin as he looked back towards him. "Same goes for you." This time, Koenma couldn't fight the blush that warmed his face. He frowned.

"Yeah. After a thousand years, I figured it was time to grow up." He coughed nervously as he felt Yusuke's warm eyes move over his body. "Anyway, I've sent word to Keiko. When she heard about what happened to you, she told me to tell you she'll be waiting eagerly for your arrival."

At the mention of his wife's name, Yusuke sat up in his chair. "That's great!" he laughed. "And what about the others? Good, I hope?"

"Oh, yes," Koenma nodded. "The whole team should be there, too. Everyone but Hiei, of course."

"How's the imp?" Yusuke asked.

"As good as can be, I suppose," the prince replied. "Once Mukoro passed away, he took over her lands just like she wanted and I haven't had any complaints so far -"

"I've missed you," Yusuke suddenly blurted out, interrupting him. Koenma promptly fell silent and looked at the other man curiously.

"Yusuke?"

"I guess I should confess, since I'm here now, that I've been looking forward to dying for a while." Yusuke stood up, jamming his hands nervously into his pockets. "Not in that suicidal way, I mean," he said quickly. "But these last five hundred years have been as long as they have been too quick to pass. Every time one of us died, I thought, man, I can't wait to see them again." He looked at Koenma pointedly. "And to see you again."

Another silence fell over the office as Koenma let Yusuke's words sink in. This time, he couldn't keep the sadness from spilling over. He ducked his head as he felt the first trickle of wetness leave his eyes and although he thought he'd been quick enough and sly enough to hide it by pretending to pass his hand over his face, almost immediately he felt himself enclosed in Yusuke's embrace for the second time that day. Without fighting, he fell into it, wrapping his own arms around the other man's broad back, feeling the structure of muscle and bone there.

It hit him hard, the way the love songs he'd heard in the human world had always said. Like lightning. Yusuke's smell had not changed; it was clean and musky this time, not mixed with the odor of sweat and blood and victorious battles. The sound of his breathing was soft, unlike the panicked gasps of air or the cries of pain he'd heard as Yusuke fought time and again against gods and demons; but still unmistakably his. Wrapped up in the arms of his first friend, Koenma thought his heart, which he had always believed to be only an empty space filled with light inside his chest, would burst.

"Koenma..." Yusuke sighed.

"I've missed you, too," Koenma whispered, barely audible. "Yusuke."

He could have spent eternity like that. He would have split the earth and burned the sky just for another moment spent that way but his thoughts were interrupted by the buzzer again, and Aki's voice through the intercom to ask Koenma if everything was okay.

Reluctantly, he released Yusuke, and the two men looked at each other nervously and cleared their throats.

"I, uh, I guess I ought to send you on your way, then," Koenma said, turning from Yusuke quickly and pretending to busy himself with the already-organized papers on his desk.

"Yeah..." was all Yusuke said, slipping his hands back into his pockets as the golden-eyed god pretended to search for his friend's file.

Without looking up, Koenma located the file, which had been sitting on top of the pile of papers, and brought out his seal, stamping Yusuke's admittance into heaven. He looked up.

"Okay, all done," he said with his best brand of false cheer. "Have a great time!"

Yusuke was silent, silhouetted by the window. He looked at Koenma pensively, as though he were studying his face.

"Walk me there?" Yusuke asked softly.

"Of course," Koenma replied, without having to think.

Wordlessly, the two friends walked out of Koenma's ornate office side by side, through a silk-curtained doorway and down a set of marble stairs until they were outside beneath the bright Reikai sun. Dozens of pretty ferry girls busily zipped by on their oars as both men took their time walking down the path towards the gateway made of gold. Once there, they stopped and waited, as the heavy gate creaked opened. Immediately, there was the smell of lily of the valley. Of roses. The odor of sanctity, in some religions.

Yusuke took a deep breath, and looked and looked and looked, at the clouds, the girls flying by, the gate before him. And while Yusuke savored the sight of his departure, Koenma savored the sight of him, feeling like a man dying of thirst on the banks of a pure spring. Without thinking, he reached out to hold his friend's hand.

Yusuke squeezed back.

"This is it, then," he said uncertainly. He turned to Koenma, who nodded back, eyes full of pain.

"Don't forget me," Koenma said. A soft, sad plea.

He looked at his friend looking at him. Felt Yusuke's eyes, unchanged throughout the years, move over his face as though he were seeing him for the first, or last, time. It was then that he leaned forward and touched Koenma's face with fingertips that had long-ago lost their toughness. So quick and softly, so that it almost didn't happen, he brushed his rough lips against Koenma's unkissed mouth. Then he let go.

Yusuke turned for only a second after he entered the gate, waving to the boy-god he was leaving behind for eternity.

Koenma watched as Yusuke waved goodbye, suddenly the fourteen year old he had seen for the first time after he had been hit by a car rescuing a child - a prelude to his lifetime of selfless acts. Faint voices of old friends reached him, drifting like ghosts just beyond the smoke. Roses, cigarettes, laughter. Eyes filling with joy at the sight of their leader returning to them, like the welcomed cool of night after a hot summer day. Then the gates closed before Koenma, denying him once again, more than one kind of heaven.


End file.
